I am the One Who Lives
by DoReMi Dancer
Summary: A recollection from a girl, forgotten, left in the shadows, although she is the one who remembers everything. R&R please!


**I am the One Who Lives  
**

I am Madeline Kavanagh. Lily Evan's best friend, her confidant, her 'rock.' But I'm only remembered as 'that girl.' I am never remembered as the one who got her to fall in love with James Potter, the one who was deprived of love, all for her best friend. I'm never mentioned again. I am only known through the eyes of those who chose to know me.

I am the forgotten one.

I was that Girl in Gryffindor, the one who never caused trouble, the one who never did anything memorable besides get nearly as good as grades as Lily Evans. Everything I did ended up going back to her. My grades, my social life, my love life, my good deeds? It all went back to Lily.

I never hated Lily. Who could? She had a fiery temper, but she was sweet, smart, thoughtful and bloody hilarious. Many did a guy fancy her. Many a time was she asked out while I stood with her.

I was always there, but I will never be remembered.

I, however, will always remember what happened my seventh year at Hogwarts.

I remember it, and in remembering it, I wonder if I should have been in Hufflepuff. My loyalty never wavered. It never stopped. My love for my popular, remembered friends never stopped either. I was always there no matter what.

I remember that seventh year in such great detail. I will never forget that year; I will never forget my friends.

I was the one who was friends with James Potter.

I was his neighbor and had grown up with him for my entire life. I was one of his best friends. I loved him like a brother, I knew him for what he was good for. I never understood why Lily had shunned his affections for six years.

I had watched from Lily's side as she'd rejected him time after time.

I had listened to James despair about why Lily hated him.

I had been there for every one of the Maraudrers in fact. Remus was my furry friend. Peter was my loveless friend. Sirius was my love.

I was in love with Sirius. But in getting Lily and James together, I had never gotten the chance to pursue my love.

I will always regret that.

I will never regret that I got them to fall in love with each other. Truly, deeply and madly in love.

I reminisce about the times I spent with the Marauders, Lily looking on by my side, uncertain. That was the only time the girl didn't know what to do. I think that's when she began to like James Potter. When I forced her to join me and "my" Marauders.

I don't think James ever realized my intention. He never thanked me for my help.

I don't think that any of them truly remembered me for the girl who was there for them.

I know they remember Lily.

I know that Remus trusted her as a fellow prefect.

I know that Peter trusted her to listen to him.

I know that Sirius trusted her enough to let James fall in love with her.

I will always remember them though, even though they would come to forget me, years later.

I will remember the dedication, loyalty to Lily and James it took. To get Lily to even approach James calmly. To get James to tame his carefree, "bad boy" ways. To get them to find the middle. To get them to fall in love.

I…don't know how I did it now though.

I loved Sirius.

I don't remember why I put so much heart into Lily's love for James, when I, myself was in love Sirius. And that's the sad part.

I don't know why I did it all.

I don't regret it though.

I don't know.

I don't. Just don't.

I remember the laughter, love, joy they shared though. And I think that's what made it worth it. But I also remember my heartache, wanting Sirius when he was off with another girl.

I remember everything about seventh year. How that was the year Peter grew apart, the year Remus started getting gray hairs.

I loved those boys as brothers too; I should have paid more attention to them instead of James and Sirius, the ones who always got the attention.

I should have. But I didn't. And that's what I regret.

I should have asked Peter what was going on. What was causing him to grow apart from the rest of the Marauders.

I should have asked Remus if anything was wrong, why he was getting so stressed.

I remember the good, the bad of seventh year. And it makes me wonder. If I had asked Peter and Remus what was wrong, would Peter have died? Died at the hands of…Sirius.

I tried to hate him, I truly did. I tried. And that's when I thought nothing made sense. I didn't get it. Why did Sirius kill Peter. Peter was the one who had broken apart. And because of that lingering doubt, confusion, thought, I never believed Sirius had killed Peter along with all those muggles.

I never could.

I…I…I just couldn't. I knew Sirius. I didn't identify him as a killer. And I know my family thought I had simply gone off my rocker. I hadn't though. I had known Sirius in a way no one else had. But that wasn't remember, recorded, anything. No one had ever known. Except for Lily Evans. But she was the girl who always knew, the remembered girl of Gryffindor.

I know, I was the forgotten one, the best friend in the shadows, the one that no one remembered. But I remember.

I remember it all.

And I am her, Madeline Kavanagh, the forgotten one, the one who remembers, the one who lives.


End file.
